just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
