I think I am morally bankrupt
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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