She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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