remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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