We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize