you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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