Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
