She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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