drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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