I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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