They should really pass out barf bags in church
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
