When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this boner is exhausting
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
