my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
