if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
