I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
