I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
