So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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