i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't deserve a penis
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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