i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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