My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
