He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
