grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
