do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
