if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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