Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
