when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize