my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
