So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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