I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
