Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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