I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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