I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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