there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
