I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
