His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
