i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
