I'm passing your future prison.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
