but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
