what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
