: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
