There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
