is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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