i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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