Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you will always have a special place in my vag
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
