your parents love me but you hate me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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