My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
