Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
