Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
