i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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