If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
