dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
