i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize