On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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