Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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