So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
