i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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