I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize