just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
