we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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