I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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