six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i now understand why vodka
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Drunk is not a location!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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