i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
