Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
