3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
