Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
